A conversational overview of WTF the deal is with Koreas right now...

I was chatting with my sister, who doesn't keep up with current events like I do - and partly as a joke and partly for something for her to read as she tried killing the work day she asked for a history of what the news is on Korea. I wanted to see how much I could accomplish in a five-minute blurb. Here is the comprehensive low-brow description of what is going down and the history behind it.

So, Prior to the US involvement in WWII, The Japanese face-fucked most of East Asia into submission and made them part of their illustrious Empire. During this period, a lot of the former ruling classes of Korea were in exile in the Soviet Union. This is the time/place where Kim Jong Il was born. After WWII, when Japan got curb stomped by the allied nations, and they busied themselves rebuilding Germany and Japan and the Cold War was heating up - those exiles returned to Korea.

Initially it was founded as a Republic, but after a series of failed elections that all saw heavy allegations of fraud and corruption - a growing socialist party tried to grab power. The power grab quickly devolved into a civil war, and both sides brought their backers in. North Korea pulled in the Soviet Union and the recently formed People's Republic of China while South Korea drew aid from NATO and the US. Enter the Korean War and every episode of MASH that you may/may not remember. The Korean War was most noteworthy on a global scale as the first significant armed conflict in the Cold War.

It was also known as the funniest of all 21st century wars due to the wide-spread deployment of wise-cracking doctors...
The war never officially ended, but an armistice was reached on July 1953, with a DMZ established at the current battle-line of the 38th parallel. After lengthy negotiations the world lost interest and Korea rested in the relative obscurity of the World's eye.

Fast forward to the fall of the Soviet Union; With the Soviets down North Korea lost one of its major backers, and its economy turned to shit. Progressively Kim Jong Il, who had recently inherited power from his father, started getting even more crazy and ruthless (an accomplishment for any dictator). With the continued boldness of North Korea and their desire to be viewed as a world power, they started to lost support from their last major supporter, China, who is also turned off by their constant and shady attempts to develop nuclear weapons.

He is the reason I have a standing policy never to trust shirtless Asian people (except Bruce Lee)

Developing nukes and their constant funding of extremist organizations has seen them under constant scrutiny by the UN and getting slapped on the wrist with numerous economic sanctions and angry letters.

In recent news - on 26 Mar a South Korean corvette (The Cheonan) sunk along the NLL (Northern Limit Line), the northernmost naval boundary between the Koreas and a site of numerous clashes since it was established after the armistice. At first North Korea stayed quiet and all officials were really reluctant to name any cause. A week after the Cheonan sank, it was found that the ship was conclusively sunk by an external explosion, and North Korea started making denials. When the international team of investigators found remains of a North-Korean produced torpedo amongst the wreckage, South Korea was pissed and demanded an apology from the North. North Korea told South Korea to go fuck itself, and in response North Korea cut off economic ties (this was Mondayish)

South Korea is responsible for a HUGE portion of North Korea's income, so this doesn't make the North happy. In response after a day or two they cut off all diplomatic relations with South Korea and expel all South Korean citizens (an action normally reserved for when a country is RIGHT about to go to war).

Now we are in a stand off where China is trying to calm the two down, not wanting to see a fire-fight on their front door. Russia doesn't seem to care and hasn't said much of shit. Japan and the US are like 'Fuck you, North Korea chill out and say you are sorry". With our mutual defense treaty saying that if the two Koreas throw down, we have to jump in to back the South up.

So that's where we are now. While the Obama administration is adamant about trying to defuse the situation, they still make it known that they condemn the attack. They also sent Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to talk to all the regional heads-of-state for a 'diplomatic' solution. Personally I think this is just to piss off all the countries involved because if I had a lot of shit going on and I had to go and talk to Hillary I would be pretty offended and pissed off. Maybe Obama is also hoping she gets assassinated and the US gets a two-fer out of the deal. Hillary Clinton gets off AND Kim Jong Il gets the piss bombed out of his crazy ass.

Sending this lady to talk to you is like the international way of putting a flaming bag of dog poop at your front door (in my personal opinion)